Stuck in the Muck
OMG! If I hear that one more time, from someone new, I might lose it and start screaming!
Ever since I started my new job, and am trying to figure out what do in the middle of ambiguity and extreme organizational change chaos, a dozen people have said to me “we are so excited you are in this role. You are going to crush it!”
I know, you may be thinking, why does that make you angry? It seems like a nice thing to say. And I know it is in my head. But my heart, already fearing not meeting everyone’s expectations in this new role, just hears it as more pressure to crush it, without even being real clear on what crushing it looks like yet.
It sounds like a dozen people who have these really high hopes for me. What if I let them down? What if I don’t measure up to what their version of “crushing it” means? What if I can’t figure out what crushing it looks like? I am already feeling lost and it has only been two weeks.
I realized this week, after almost losing it, that I am literally frozen in fear. And in a way that means I am failing. Failing to move forward because I am stuck.
Stuck in the muck of seeking the approval of man.
As I admitted this, however, I heard the still small voice of God calling me to run towards freedom.
I hear Him calling me back to the truth. The truth that He is the one who put me in this role, and I need to believe He will equip me as I need it. Afterall, He is the ruler of all things and giver of all wisdom. And if He is the one who put me here and will give me what I need to crush it, what should I be fearing? Who else’s approval do I need?
This is the key. When we remember who God is; the only Holy one, the creator and ruler of all, the king of all kings, and then we remember what He says about us; very good, justified by the blood, His beloved children and rightful heirs, than we no longer need the approval of man to state our value or worthiness.
Now, I am not saying this is an easy, one and done thing. Let’s all remember that I just wrote an entire book on who we are in Christ, and here I am again friends! I think that some of us just need more approval than others. Words of affirmation is one of the love languages afterall.
The key is not to not need approval. It is to recognize when you need it and go to the only source qualified to give it. God, is the only Holy one. God is the knower and ruler of all real things. The only source of truth. He is the only one qualified to approve you and He sent His son to die to buy you back because you are that valuable to Him.